That title doesn’t really fit into what I was going to say but…. It’s late in the day and I have to write this!
I have recently watched a movie that shook me to the core of my being. No, you didn’t guess it, I meant Nairobi Half Life. I watched it yesterday. WHAT?!! NOBODY WARNED ME!! OK maybe I shouldn’t go on and on about it since I’m sure some of you haven’t watched it yet. It ends this Thursday though, so maybe you should LIKE GO AND WATCH IT RIGHT NOW! The story is just….hard-hitting. The hard-hitting part is the reality of it…that this is very many people’s REAL stories, as much as it is a movie. Seriously, it brought me to tears and got me really questioning fate and predestination and all that. Is the fact that I am here in this office, living where I live, eating what I eat and having the family I have luck or fate? What makes me deserve to be where I am now, good or bad? Is there any law governing the lot we get in life or is it just something that is decided before we are even born? If so, we really don’t have a say one way or the other, do we? So what does that say about the Writer of Destinies? Is He partial or impartial? Is He cruel? Is He loving? Yeah, I know these are basic questions that I should have answers to by now, but sometimes we see things that bring us to our knees and then we question everything we know.
I’m reading a book called Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. It’s about China and a friendship between two women, from the time they are little girls spanning their lives until old age. Chinese girls used to go through some “initiation” called foot binding. It’s a process that was used to make their feet really tiny, like as tiny as the length of your thumb. Now, you can already imagine how this process must have been. Nothing you can imagine is as horrifying as reading it in excruciating detail. The process used to start from the time the girl was SIX YEARS OLD! I had to take frequent long pauses as I read the chapter and take deep breaths to calm down. Seriously??!!! I could almost feel the pain. I kept looking at my feet. Please never take it for granted that you can walk freely. OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUSNESS!!! I’m so traumatized and horrified by life. I want to be a kid again. I don’t know if I would recommend the book to all of y’all who have delicate sensibilities (I think I am one of those people. Why oh why do I do this to myself?) Since it’s such a beautiful story, and once I start a book I am in OCD-mode to finish it, I will have to go through the torture of finishing the book. (Sadistic, you say? I can’t hear you!)
It is so well written though, and such a beautiful book, so far. I believe it gets even more gruesome. OH WHY DID I BUY IT? WHY???????????
I think growing up is so hard….because reality hits you and you can’t escape to your little cocoon of ignorant bliss like you could when you were a child. OK, you could, but then you would just end up on that show “How do I Look” on the Style Network with Jeannie Mai, where all your childish clothes would be thrown away and your childish behavior psycho-analysed on international television (actually, it wouldn’t be too bad since you would get a whole new wardrobe).