And just when I thought I was beginning to figure Him out and all He is about, He eluded me again. I know, I know; I can never truly fathom God. Yet, somehow I thought I could. I thought knowing God meant understanding Him. Figuring Him out.
*Sigh!!!* [Very, very loud sigh]
So I’ve been on a high just feeling like God and I are really connecting and that I can now predict His actions and feelings towards me because we have this deep relationship – and we do, don’t get me wrong – but I unknowingly lost the plot. I was, once again, humbled by how great He is.
I read some deep doctrinal articles about predestination and grace, and let’s just say, I have never been very good at understanding doctrine. Philosophical arguments entirely lose me. So when I hear sanctification, predestination and all these other big, doctrinal, theological words, my brain just goes “tururu! Mteja wa nambari hapatikani kwa sasa”. But a friend of mine had read about this predestination and was asking me some mind-boggling questions and I was just thinking. “Mind sufficiently boggled! I have no idea how to answer that!”
So I went ahead and looked up the article and started reading it. I don’t quite get it, and I would rather not go into it coz I may misinterpret it (you can read it here), and then I read the article on grace from the same website, and I also don’t quite get it (you may be wondering what grades I got in school at this rate), but one thing is clear – God is far greater, bigger, more mysterious and deeper than I could ever think, imagine or conceive. This realization kinda frustrated me, because I felt He was being elusive; giving me a glimpse of who He is then vanishing or cloaking himself with an opaque garment.
I don’t know if that’s how He works. However, I have come to realize that I can’t figure Him out, neither should I seek to. I am still supposed to seek a relationship with Him, accept His love, love Him and know Him; but this knowledge isn’t necessarily figuring Him out. What, then, is it? you ask. I wish I knew the answer, dear reader. I wish I knew.
The excerpt below really says it eloquently:
We look at God obliquely because we can’t look at God directly. In talking about what God is like, we feel we are groping in the dark, when really it is that we are made blind as bats by the blazing light that God is – Truth far greater than any human mind can grasp, Love more profound than any human heart can fathom.
The mystery of God isn’t something too complicated, a puzzle with too many pieces, for people to work it out. On the contrary, God eludes us by his beautiful simplicity, by his being beyond our human attempts to break him into pieces that we can understand and then put back together again.
Excerpted from here
So I’m trying to get my head around that…not try to figure Him out, trust Him and love Him in simplicity and just follow His promptings. I guess that’s why they call it faith.