RIP: A friend

It’s been a hard weekend.

My sister’s friend passed away; this is a girl we knew for the longest time. I don’t want to get into the details because I don’t have the right to talk about her or how she died or what circumstances surrounded who or what or why.

Now I finally understand. I have been bereaved before but I was so young, so in reality, I haven’t really lost anyone dear to me. I’ve been lucky. This was also not someone I was close to, but it hit me hard.

I finally understand how people feel when they say that the police are heartless and useless. They aren’t, though, they are just overworked and hardened by the things they see everyday; but what seems like an everyday activity for them is someone’s whole world that’s just come crashing down.

I’ve never witnessed grief so raw, pain so tangible…so pervasive that it reaches even me, a third party, a “bystander”.

What can I say? What can anyone say? Through the grief and tears and pain what more can you say but whisper God’s name? So that’s what I’ve been doing. Praying for her family who don’t even know how to go on. Praying for my sister’s loss and that she will carry on. Praying that I’ll get through the day.

Her aunt said something that was so timely: “I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from?” My help comes from the Lord, Maker of Heaven and Earth.

I finally understand what they write in those obituaries that I always glance through in such a detached manner: “We loved her, but God loved her more”. I realize how true that is. Our pain can’t compare to God’s because our love for her can’t even compare to His love for her. Somehow this is my greatest comfort.

And yesterday in my grief God spoke to me and told me He is my shepherd, I will not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters; He restores my soul.

Life is temporal, but death is so so so tragic.

I wish there was another way.

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