I woke up today and didn’t look forward to the new day; just thought of all the motions I’d have to go through until the day’s end.
I guess after a good day or a great breakthrough or a sunny period, I forget darkness and bad days. I start to forget how it feels to not have the answers, to not have things working out, to feel alone and confused.
I’ve been pondering on how, as humans, we always have this plan of how things will work out…if this happens, it means this, hence this will happen after this. It’s so logical to think like that, but it’s not really realistic.
I forget that there are other forces at play. I forget that there is no way I can possibly know how things will turn out based on my limited knowledge and foresight.
For example, I go for a job interview. From the minute I wake up, the whole journey to the offices, to the time I meet the panel…everything is looking up. I have a good feeling. The interview goes great, I have it in the bag! Naturally, I will expect that they will call me by the end of the day to tell me how awesome I am and that I got the job.
Assuming I don’t get the job, it won’t make sense. I will be mad and I will hate becuase every sign showed that I was going to get the job.
Maybe, there was someone else who was way more awesome than me or maybe I just wasn’t suited to the position even though the interview panel liked me. Even worse, maybe someone I told I wanted the job prayed against my getting it, or rather cursed me (it sounds far-fetched but it happens).
So the outcome I expected didn’t occur.
Does that mean the world is unfair?
I guess I’m just wondering why I always expect things to go my way, or a certain way, when there are so many other forces at work behind the scenes. In my human wisdom I can only know and see so much.
After the trust thing, I expected things to be easier, not perfect, but easier. They were, but now they aren’t, and it’s just life, and I have to accept that.
I read an article somewhere that goes something like this:
Dr. Bill Gaultiere
Clinical Psychologist & Executive Director of New Hope
I think that the process of knowing God’s will for a life decision
such as this is something like climbing a mountain. You begin with a
vision of the mountain and a dream of climbing to the top. You might
be a little afraid to get lost or to have a problem on the way, but
mostly you’re excited to get to the top.
For a long hike you may have a map and a compass and all sorts of
camping gear and supplies. And yet, as you go along the trail you come
across many forks in the path and have to decide which way to go. It
can be quite difficult to know which is the better path. And often
they’ll both get you to the same place, but by a different route.
As you get higher the hiking gets harder and your initial enthusiasm
may wane. You see a peak and think you’re close to your goal, but once
you reach that peak you see that another peak is ahead. You’re
increasingly subject to the elements heat or cold, rain or wind. And
you continue to encounter unexpected forks in the road and still
higher peaks until you realize – in wonderful ways and in challenging
ways – this mountain you’re climbing is so much more than you
And when you’ve reached the top and hiked back down the first thing
you’re likely to say is, “I wonder which mountain I’d like to climb
That’s the way it is with finding God’s will.
Like climbing the mountain, when I got answers, I felt like I had reached a flat point in the journey where the climbing wasn’t so hard and I could finally enjoy seeing the sights around me and the journey in itself, but I forgot that there were still peaks ahead that needed climbing. It would not be easy, and even if it got easy, it would still get hard again.
That is the way of life.
Not my will but God’s.
Have a reflective month 🙂