Back to work after the long weekend…and I am really trying to get into the work mood (whatever that is) and listening to Jeremy Camp (thank God for music and all these technological advancements). I wish this was, like, more interactive, where I could ask you guys how you’re doing and have a conversation, but, well…
I’ve not been happy, really, because of something someone did or said (or both) about me or to me indirectly (Ok, I know it doesn’t make sense). I have delayed reactions so even if I was told this a few weeks ago, it really hit home and affected me last week. I tried (successfully, I think) to hide it coz I didn’t want anyone to know what I was feeling coz I thought it was largely pathetic (it has to do with a guy, obviously) but yesterday I finally mustered up the courage to tell a friend of mine and I think by so doing I got most of it out of my system, now waiting on the final chapter.
As I was railing at God and deciding how to run things without His help, thank you very much, I realised something. I already knew I was wrong in doing that but I guess I was past caring. I am very afraid of pain, you see. So I take all measures necessary to avoid it. I see that God maybe wants me to learn something about this but I don’t want any pain associated. What I realised, however, is that my motivation is pride.
I hate that word but I seem to have struggled with it so many times in my life. Do you know of all the seven deadly sins, pride is the hardest to conquer? It’s also really stubborn.
God looks at our motives behind our actions. So, as justified as I would be to take my own way, God would look at the why behind it…is it fear, pride, rebellion?
I guess for me it’s pride. I’m too proud to be wrong, too proud to fail, too proud to look like a fool, too proud to be vulnerable. I am justified in wanting to protect myself, but it shouldn’t be because of pride, or fear, or whatever. And if the motive is not any of these evils, then I wouldn’t want to protect myself in the first place coz I know God would do a much better job of it than me.
As much as I resolved not to be that girl, I guess I can’t really do that and please God. So, it’s either I please God, or feed my pride. Which is it going to be? [Please shoot me now ][Ok, am kidding][kinda]
(I didn’t even know how to title this post…and guess the song that’s playing? Yup, the title of this post! Clearly, God was speaking to me today)
Have u ever seen a man stumble and fallen,
all do to his pride
I don’t want to be another one
Fallen due to my pride
Take my pride away, pride away
Take my pride away