Today for once I get to take a breather. Life has been so busy that I have even abandoned (very painfully) my love of writing, learning to play guitar, watching movies, listening to music…yaani the things we sacrifice to make a living!
I can’t complain, my life has been good, I’m surrounded by beauty and love that I know I don’t deserve it which makes it all the more beautiful. But, as humans, we get ungrateful, we complain, we always want things to go our way.
A dear friend told me yesterday that humans are so weird, we expect everything to be about us. When something bad happens, we get so mad at God like it was even about us. God had a plan, a greater scheme than we could see. Maybe he caused a natural disaster to happen because there is a bunch of 100 atheists somewhere that He wants to reach and show that there is a God who causes earthquakes and hurricanes and that they had best believe it! Or whatever His purpose is that we can’t decipher as humans.
But no, we go around saying how God has deserted us, how mean He is, how he….(insert whatever statement you have used before here). IT’S NOT ABOUT US!
IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!
Today when I woke up (after sleeping in 🙂 ), it hit me so clearly. All the things I have held against God that He hasn’t done for me, all the pain and bitterness I have had because I feel He didn’t come through for me, I let it all go. It was worse than hard, I’m still reeling from it and wondering if I’ll be able to go through with it…but I just let it go.
He can heal me, but he doesn’t owe it to me. He doesn’t HAVE TO.
He can bless me but he doesn’t owe it to me. He doesn’t HAVE TO.
He doesn’t have to do anything for me. He chooses to. It’s an honor and a privilege when He does. And when He doesn’t, so what? I didn’t have a right to it anyway. I didn’t deserve it anyway. It was a favor.
So this was the big realization I had today. It’s not about me. It’s about Him. I am honored and favored when He does great things for me, which He always does. And when He doesn’t it’s just life as usual. I’ll just focus on the ones He has done which are already to many to count. In fact, if I focused on that I would never notice something that He hasn’t done would I? Maybe, there isn’t anything He hasn’t done, it’s just my human nature getting in the way!
Clearly I have much to unravel with this one.
So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
– Hillsong United