Grief

Denial

You see stars

Then decide it’s all a dream

You wake up with a numbness, a blindness, a deafness

Something is horribly wrong

But for the life of you

You can’t put your finger on it

Nor do you want to

So life goes on for a while, seemingly normal

When all the while your insides are slowly turning to water

Building up with a force all its own

On the precipice of eruption

Anger

Searing, mindless, illogical

You wish they could come back

Oh, how you would give them a chunk of your mind

How you could beat them to a pulp

How you could cry and wail and weep

And tell them that if they don’t come back you will die

And if they do you will kill them all over again

Bargaining

If only I had not said what I said

Maybe they wouldn’t have done what they did

If only they had known I was sorry

Maybe they would have known I cared

If only I’d said what I’d always meant to say

Maybe they would have still been here today

And so it goes, on and on

Driving you crazy, giving you no peace

Regret searing your mind like hot coals

And your ceaseless search for peace

To calm the voices in your head

Never-ending

Depression

The wave slowly subsides

Anger replaced with sadness

Denial replaced with the sickening realization

What was horribly wrong is now clear

And there’s nothing left to live for

Getting out of bed is impossible

Speaking is done in whispers

Walking is done in shadows

What you want to say comes out as tears streaming down your face

What you think is dark and bleak

And it’s all you can do to get through the day

Acceptance

It begins with spotting a flower, and you think, “that’s beautiful”

And then you think it’s wrong to see anything as beautiful ever again

But right after that thought, someone speaks to you and you laugh

And it’s more common, happening every day

You can’t help it but live

And soon the guilt is less

And life is more and more

And you realize that they are gone, yes, they died

But you are alive, and your life is still waiting to be lived

So you walk with tentative steps

Looking back now and again

Till now when you look back, you do so with a smile

Like you remembered a fond memory

Sometimes you do so with a tear

Like you missed a moment with nostalgia

But you realize that it happens

People come and go and that’s life

And there you meet acceptance

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2 thoughts on “Grief

    • True..but I think for me the hardest one is bargaining, then depression. Getting past those is extremely difficult. But life must go on…right?
      Let us cast them all behind us and move on with our beautiful lives that are just waiting to be lived (as hard as it is)

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