Times (Tenth Avenue North)

Wow, it’s been a little while

I’ve been adjusting to the new year and a lot has been going on but am glad to be back.

I’ve just been thinking how every experience we go through shapes our lives in numerous ways. Last year wasn’t the best of years for me, but looking back, I grew so MUCH. Really, I GREW UP. I guess I needed to, it was painful, but I can see now why I had to go through some of the stuff I did.

Do we ever really get over our naivete? I feel like even when my eyes are opened up to life’s realities, there is always something that remains innocent, till life cruelly opens my eyes AGAIN, and on and on it goes.

Life sucks and then you die is actually a true statement. It’s like that I guess. We ruined it in Eden and we have suffered ever since. Only now and then we get a little sunshine that brightens it.

I guess this year I want to anticipate the sun. I want to bear the rain, carry the umbrellas, brave the puddles and mud, not sadly or grudgingly, but expectantly, waiting for the sun.

I hope I can do it.

Faith, hope and love. That’s what I want this year (yeah, I know we are done with the 2010 resolutions/wishes/prayers…but it’s still January)

I want to have faith that God can see me through anything. That He is always beside me no matter what I’m going through.

I want to hope that it will get better, no matter how bleak it may seem. Hope that I’ll learn something from whatever I’m going through and that the lesson will be worth it in the end.

I want to love unconditionally. I want to allow God to love me unconditionally. And I want to love others, uninhibited, not expecting anything in return, willing to hurt, be embarrassed and vulnerable if for their sake it will help them or make me a better person.

High ideals, I know. Faith, hope and love!

I hear You say,
“My love is over. It’s underneath.
It’s inside. It’s in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can’t feel.
The times that you question, ‘Is this for real? ‘
The times you’re broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it’s underneath.
It’s inside, it’s in between.
These times you’re healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you’re falling from grace.
The times you’re hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I’m there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I’m there through your heartache.
I’m there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My power alone.
I don’t care where you fall, where you have been.
I’ll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends.”

- Tenth Avenue North

Letter To My 16-Year-Old Self

I’ve done this before somewhere else but due to public demand (from two bloggers, lol) I’m doing it here for the sake of continuity and peer pressure. I have a feeling the letter I write here will be so different from the other one I did…

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Non-Rockhead,

Why don’t you love rock yet??! Do you have any idea what you’re missing?! But you love music so I guess I can deal with that.

Get over yourself! Ok, Ok, sorry, don’t cry, I forgot. Tough love doesn’t work on you. Let me tell you something my dear, being sad will not help you in any way. Just go to some Laugh Festival or something. Really. Life is never that serious. This too shall pass, high school drama will end and you will get most of what you dreamt of. Just try, REALLY TRY and be patient. (Who am I kidding?)

Accept yourself, your size, your personality, your family, your life. When you think about it, it’s a pretty good life. No one’s life is perfect and everyone goes through problems. I know you feel different most of the time and like you don’t fit in but you will find your place someday.

Stand firm in your faith no matter what anyone says, no matter how hard it is now and even how much harder it will get. God is the only one who will always have your back. You won’t believe me if I tell you how far He’s brought you and how many amazing things He’s brought your way. You’ll see

Boys, boys, boys. Where do I start? I know right now you think they all suck. Well, it’s not VERY different on my side of the future. But there are some good ones out there. But for now, your focus is right. Keep at those books, it will TOTALLY pay off. As for V, I’m still figuring it out…yeah…even till now. I know, right?

That guy in campus, could you, like, maybe not talk to him? Or even look at him? No? Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Your family really loves you despite what you think now and what you’re going through. And yes, we made it through it. Things can only go uphill from there, trust me.

Those girls you meet in school, some of those you hang out with and some who you barely talk to…some of them will make up your girlfriends for life. These girls are awesome, even though you probably don’t see it yet.

Yes, yes, Physics is hard, but you’ll be glad you did it. And yes, you will pass. And get into college. And get a job. And get a house. No, you will not be selling vegetables on the street (not that it’s the worst job on earth). Seriously, you worry too much!

You will survive! I still don’t know where you got all that fear but it’s less now, though I’m still working on it. You are a lot of work! Sheesh! But you’re okay.

You’ll be okay.

Love,

Your Ever-Wise-Older-Mature-Awesome-Self From The Future

Tagging: Lilburdy, Wyndago, CSmith, Tricia, Nkirdizzle, Suetiful, Miss Stupendous (lol), Aliyinza, Gladys and Ngare.

I’ve Been Tagged

I have done this before, many times, that’s why I’ve taken so long to do it here in blogosphere since I’m wondering what new things I will have to write about myself. Yeah, I don’t wanna write the same old things coz that will be boring and I want to be intriguing!

Anyway, luckily, if I do repeat myself, most of you are not my Facebook friends so it will all be new to you.

To Miss Magaribina and Nkirdizzle, thanks for the tag. Here goes:

1. I love water. I love drinking it, playing with it, floating in it, looking at it, everything. I could stand beneath the shower for hours (if there was no water shortage ) My new year’s mission-to-achieve (avoiding the use of the word resolution) is to learn to swim. Ironic, isn’t it? That I can’t swim? Well I’m gonna be a pro this year! You can stop smirking now.

2. Give me flowers any day and I will love you for life. OK, maybe love is a strong word. But I absolutely LOVE flowers. They are so pretty! They just make me happy. The irony is that I am really not the quintessential girlie, romantic type but flowers do me in, really. Lilies, roses, daisies, sunflowers, wild roses, petunias, gladolias, chrysanthemums, etc, etc….flowers!

3. I get mad when I see bad governance leading to poverty, corruption, crime….ok, mad is an understatememnt. Today’s Nation newspaper’s cover story (Kenyan newspaper) has got me so worked up right now I even stopped reading it. MP’s salalries are being increased when 75% of the country is below the poverty line? When IDP’s are still homeless? When everyday I walk home and see street boys begging me for money and sniffing glue, some younger than ten years? When more than half of the city’s population live in slums? *Deep breath* I think  I’ll stop there.

4. My biological clock started ticking faster than usual towards the end of last year. Now I’m getting all mushy about guys and marriage and babies. Eeeeeeuuuuww!

5. I could live on ice-cream. It’s like milk right? It has all the essential nutrients except iron, doesn’t it? Ok then I’d eat some iron-filled food once a week. That would work, right?

6. I have fallen in love with fashion. Oh, darn. I love shopping. I have transformed into this…woman-like….creature. Sheesh! I don’t even try to resist those bargains anymore. Fashion, take me!

7. Insects, long speeches, people with no sense of humor, slugs, bridges, reptiles, the rave, married men, heavy-lifting, reckless drivers, crazy people…………small list of things I couldn’t care less about and try to steer clear of.

8. Ever heard the sound the wind makes when it blows over the top of an open bottle? I love that sound.

9. I love music. OK, I know, who doesn’t? How would we ever have survived without it?

10. I have an addiction *cringe*. I am confessing. It’s books. I actually think it is bordering on becoming a little, itsy-bitsy problem. I buy books all the time. Old books, new books, I think they are already numbering a hundred and counting…I clearly need a bigger house.

Before I bore you all to tears, I shall stop there.

Tricia, Suetiful, CSmith, Lilburdy, Aliyinza, Maff, Ngare, Wyndago …tag, you’re it!