On friendship and growing up

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed how much harder it gets to keep friends as one gets older? I have started noticing that so many of my childhood and college friends have filtered off, and I only interact with a select few, not because they were mean to me or stole my boyfriend, but because it requires way less effort to hang out with people I can access more easily, as opposed to those who I don’t see too often.

Is it a norm, like is it something that comes with the territory? Or is it something I need to change?

People get busier as they grow older. Jobs, spouses, commitments, school, children; all these come in the way and start taking priority. Now one has to divide their time between all these commitments vying for their attention. When we were younger, all we ever did was go to school and play. Makes sense why we had so many friends because we had so much time for them.

Now, I have all these demands on my time. You understand, we all understand. We need to hustle, make money, make names for ourselves. I’m just wondering, are all these pursuits equally valuable, or are some things in this life more important than others? Is it more important for me to nurture my marriage and children than to cultivate friendships? Is it more important to focus on my job and my hustle than it is to focus on building my friendships?

Another thing, are all the friends who I have drifted apart from worth the effort? Yes, it sounds mean, but I have to ask myself if I can handle having multiple friends or if it’s just easier to have the inner circle and move on with life. I may have bitten off way more than I can chew if I keep striving to hold on to friendships which can’t work for one reason or another. I guess I’m wondering how I would be able to accurately determine which friendships are worth fighting for and which ones I need to let go of simply because the season has passed.

It’s a tough one for me because I thrive on friendships. I love to have friends. I don’t know if my efforts have been half-hearted in the past or if it’s just chance that has worked to drift us apart. I just don’t want to look back and regret that I lost so much. What’s your take on this?

Relationship, not religion

In this journey I have discovered a sad reality: religion is not relationship. My relationship with God and my salvation walk has always been largely religion, very little relationship. Let me explain.

I have always been caught up in the do’s and don’ts: do go to church on Sunday, do give your tithes and offerings, do your quiet time, do read your Bible, don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t get pregnant out of wedlock…etc etc. The why was never even a consideration for me, I just did what I was supposed to do, what I was told to do. It never occured to me that maybe God wanted more. He wanted my heart. He wanted an intimate relationship with me. He didn’t just want me to follow His rules, He wanted me to know why I was following them. And the why? The why is love. Because I love Him, I will read my Bible. Because I love Him, I want to talk to Him and pray to Him. Because I love Him, I want to know Him more, so I’ll have quiet time.

So for as long as I’ve been a Christian, I have followed His rules in a largely robotic fashion. Realizing that this did not please Him and that it could even have hurt Him hurts me. It also scares me because I thought I knew God, that I had a relationship with Him. I accepted Him in my heart because He died for me. I believed that and I still do. But somehow somewhere along the way I lost sight of love and embraced performance and “rightness”. Righteousness that is like filthy rags before God is what I embraced instead.

I didn’t know God. I didn’t know love. I have not been living as someone redeemed and loved. I’ve been living as someone condemned. Someone who needs to make amends ever day for being such a sinner. Someone who needs to appease this cruel God who will smite her at any moment if she fails, unless she does “overtime” in church or does an all-night prayer vigil. Does that sound like the God who is Love? It sure seems like He is a cruel master who punishes all who dare not follow His rules.

Yes, God has rules and commandments, but He is also Love. And He desires for us to Love Him and know Him and delight in Him and live abundantly in Him. He has given us all good things and has great plans for us. That’s the God I want to know. I have been stuck in the Law for so long, yet Jesus came to abolish the Law. I’ve lived like someone condemned for so long, yet God sent His Son to die for me so I would be redeemed and have a clean slate. There is no price left to pay; Jesus paid it all for me on the cross.

I’ve been living like someone bound, but Jesus came to set the captives free. I’ve been living like someone who has to earn love, but He loved me before I was even born.
I’ve been blind for so long, but the scales are finally beginning to fall from my eyes. Now I’m beginning to get just what Love is. Who Love is. It’s mind-blowing…it leaves me in tears sometimes…and it’s the most exciting adventure I’ve ever been on.

Stick around

Funky Friday

Wow, hello good people! (or person, hehe). It’s been AGES since I wrote one of these random posts, writer’s block or whatever…

Anywhoooooooooooooo…Happy New Year people!

I’m loving the January weather…so sunny and summery…too bad I have to work, but I am not complaining…I thank God for my job. Did I tell you I started swimming lessons? Yes, yes, one year later after the resolution I made in 2010, haha. I am very excited, too excited in fact to take heed to your mocking laughter and amused looks that I, a rockhead of twenty-something years, is just now learning to swim.

The water is a very interesting medium. Like, it’s so unreal. How do fish live in water? It’s such a blurry world. Or maybe their eyes are accustomed? And it’s so cool how I feel much lighter when I’m in the water…but then when I get out it’s like I’m a 50-ton brick, as in it’s such a change! Clearly, you can see this girl has never spent any time in the water. But I love swimming already, never mind I’ve only been to two lessons…HAHAHAHA!

OK this post has so many laughs, I think there is a change in me. Can I just say that Alabastron’s Renewing Self program has been so awesome, it’s so life-changing. I’ll be finishing this month and I have learnt so much. Get ready for the real me, the real me who’s been buried for years underneath lies and pretense and people-pleasing and fear and all the other things that held me back. YAY!

OK so I’m out of stories. I made two resolutions this year…to live free (free from self-imposed boundaries, free in Christ) and to swim. So far so good.

Happy new year!!